p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
