just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
