she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
