he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
