you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
