I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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