Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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