She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
