oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
