I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My ass is underappreciated
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
