apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
