yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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