I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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