i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
