see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
