Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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