Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
