8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
