So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
