I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
