The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
