you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
do nipples grow back?
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