Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
