dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
