The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
