Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
