if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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