i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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