covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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