i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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