I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
