you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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