im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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