Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
