I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
