God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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