When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
