Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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