Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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