Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
