is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
