Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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