sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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