i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
