Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
