suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
