4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just tell him i said nine months
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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