i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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