So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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