I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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