You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
