this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
