No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
